Smut & Cuddles
headers and warnings

She opened her eyes to find herself in a strange place. Her domain, her box, had been moved from the dark, private corner of the barn into this unbearably bright room. It was both larger and smaller than her world had previously been. Her brothers and sisters were all gone, too, but she had a vague warm feeling that that was actually ok. She heard sounds in the background, her sleep-blurry eyes looking up to see the huge pink humans arguing.

"But Mom, can't I keep just one? She's just so cute!"

"Clark, this farm does not need another mama cat breeding up hundreds of kittens!"

"I'll have her spayed! Please??" Hands reached down to her, picked her up carefully and gently drew her up to the warmth of his body. She curled up against him, hearing of the steady, comforting th-thump of his heart. This one was good, she thought. He smelled like the sky looked, a bright blue scent that seemed simple at first but really had a thousand little complex details, and shot through with an electric sense of something magical. She began to purr.

"Look! She likes me. Please?"

"Oh, all right, Clark. But you care for her; you clean her box and get her spayed as soon as the vet says it's ok. You pay for her food and supplies and vet bills out of your allowance. Got it?"


"Let me see her, anyway. What are you going to name her?"

Cool hands lifted her out of her warm flannel nest, and she meowed a soft protest, struggling halfheartedly as she was thoroughly examined. This one smelled good, too, tart and green with a sprinkling of spicy red-browns.

She yawned, showing off her pink tongue and small, sharp teeth. She knew in the way that all cats do that she was the loveliest of her litter, her fur fluffy and clean, an elegant pattern of fat tiger stripes in pale grey and cream over her back fading out to pure white on her soft belly. Her eyes were a bright, vivid gold, the blue of birth having faded and changed as her teeth came in and claws grew sharp.

"I don't know. I think I'll take her over to meet Lex, see if he has any suggestions."

"Honestly, Clark, he does have a factory to run. Do you really think Lex Luthor wants to see your new kitten?"

She could see the flash of teeth being bared, and wondered for a minute at the lack of hostility in his scent. No anger or fear anywhere in this room, in fact, just the smells of cooking and contentment.

"Mo~om. He's my best friend. It's his duty to want to look at my new kitten!"

The tinkling sound of laughter, and she was once again nestled in her flannel haven, this time underneath in the warm dimness between outer and inner shirts. The chemical flowers of fabric softener made a fuschia wash over Clark's summery blueness, and she settled in to sleep.

A feeling of great speed and pressure woke her up unpleasantly enough for her to try clawing her way out. The complete frustration of being unable to gain any purchase on the hard flesh beneath the cotton shirts made her wail and cry long after the motion had stopped, impervious to the pleading and shushing of the human who carried her. Clark, that was what the green spicy woman had called him. Clark.

She was so distracted by this new discovery that she grew quiet and contemplative, barely noticing when she was bustled up the stairs and into a room that smelled cold and false. A new voice, rich and layered with meaning, filled her ears.

"What do you have there, Clark, smuggled goods?"

The chest she was leaning against shook with laughter, the sound filling her ears not-unpleasantly inside her cloth cocoon. She settled back down, purring once again.

"Nope. Guess!"

"Well, from the sound it's either a vibrator or a kitten, and from the shape and the way it's moving, I'd have to go for the latter. Unless there's some new kink you haven't told me about?"

"I think you know *all* my kinks by now, Lex. Look, you have to help me name her!"

Once again her world was upset as she was pulled out of her nest and handed over to this new person. He tucked her efficiently into the crook of one arm, absently stroking her with the other, and she decided generously to allow the caress. They moved once more, from the cold room into an even more sterile-smelling hallway and down to another room, this one dim and almost private.

The man carrying her had smelled cold at first, grey with an overtone of bright vetiver that made her want to sneeze, but as he and Clark walked and talked, his scent seemed to warm up. Like sunrise, she thought, the twilight greys warming to deep violets and suggestive purples. When Clark's hand wandered over to pet her as well, she smelled the same sunrise warmth on him, and decided she liked this new one, too, if only because of that.

She was deposited gently onto a soft expanse of dark cloth, which she decided to explore. Later, after her nap. Naps were, after all, of the utmost importance. She felt the softness dip and move and dip again, like comforting waves as the humans joined her, presumably to nap as well. They'd shed their false skins and were now tangling up together, dim shapes wrestling playfully in the dark.

She turned around three times, kneading and pushing until the surface beneath her was just right, and then settled in to sleep while they tired themselves out. They both seemed old enough to be allowed to play without supervision, and despite the occasional breathy cries, didn't appear to be hurting one another.

When she awoke, there was a new set of smells in the room. She sniffed the air, separating and sampling them. First this bittersweet translucent smell, that was somehow slippery and chemical in her nose; this made her sneeze delicately. Then the earthy brown musk that was the humans' between-legs smell, which they usually objected to sharing but somehow had managed to fill the room with as she slept. Finally there was a bright, oceany-bluegreen smell that was teeming and alive.

The two humans were sleeping now, curled together like she and her littermates used to do. She yawned, trying to decide what she wanted more, exploration or more sleep curled up this time on top of their invitingly hot bodies. The soft purring sounds coming from the small one decided her; she walked over and curled up in the smooth space between his head an neck, resting so she could just hear the soft whoosh of blood pulsing through his veins.

The next thing she knew, she was being jostled and... nuzzled? The slippery smell had grown much stronger, and she sneezed and mewled her displeasure, clawing her way up the soft surface and away from the two wrestling humans. She looked back, only to see the sky-human sink his teeth into the other one, right where she'd been lying. The other human with his confusing scents had gone almost entirely to the bright purples and violets now, and moaned in what seemed like either pain or contentment.

Rather than puzzle out their strange behavior, she explored the non-moving parts of the odd rectangular plateau she'd been sharing with them while the finished their play, some marking ritual that at the end renewed the ocean-bright tang in the air. They got up, leaving her to explore the warm nest they'd left behind, and strange sounds and the smell of water and more flowers and vetiver wafted gently in turn out of the doorway they'd disappeared into.

She smelled and smelled her fill of the sheets, the mark of their exertions tangy and interesting on their gently rolling surfaces. Clark's scents were all laced with that same electric energy, but there was a soft green background of that same energy in the other one's scent she hadn't found until she had time to explore it leisurely. She found the largest concentration of their combined scents and stretched out in it, rolling around determined to mark herself the way they'd worked so hard at marking one another.

They came out of the room pink and flushed and showing their teeth in the way Clark had earlier, a way that was evidently friendly for them.

"How about Actaeon? He was punished for seeing a goddess bathe."

"You are king of the weird references. I don't know, what would we call her for short?"

"Tantalus? His punishment was forever watching but never getting any."

"Ooh, cruel and subtle, but I like it better than that Act-one. We could call her Allie for short, and my mom would never know!"

More laughter, and the world shook as they bounced down on either side of her. Damp-sticky fingers stroked and caught at her, but she was too fascinated by the dripping water off of Clark's unruly head-fur to care. Drop after shining drop, and she batted at the curl that swooped down over his nose.

"Hey, watch it with those things, Allie!"

Allie? Was that the name of the furless human? She craned her head to see how he reacted.

"Well, Clark, I don't know if she likes it or not. What do you think, Tantalus? Allie?" He was waving his fingers tantalizingly in her face she batted at them, paws velveted out of courtesy for the delicate skin this one seemed to have. He played with her for a few delightful moments before they were leaning together, doing a strange mouth thing that seemed to excite them both. Their pulses picked up, and those threads of purpley something began to warm the air between them again.

"Mmm, Lex. I love you, but I have to get back to the house for dinner or my mom'll kill me. You coming?"

Clark swung his legs over the edge and disappeared back into the dark, while the other one petted her indulgently. She purred obligingly, offering her soft belly for attention. Lex, she thought now, having heard that sound out of Clark's mouth several times during their play.

"Don't you think your dad might get out the shotgun?"

"Naah, mom's gotten him pretty used to you by now. You know, I sometimes wonder if she suspects something, though. She seemed awfully smug when I left with the kitten."

"Your mom's a smart woman, who notices that her boy always comes home from the big, bad Luthor's house freshly showered, probably."

Lex got up and wandered off into the dark himself, while Clark came back, his cloth skins covering him, and sat down to put his foot-coverings on. "Probably. So does the sound of you putting on clothes constitute a 'yes'?"

"Yes, Clark, it does. Call your mom and make sure it's ok."

A fascinating device with a long, dangling spirally toy coming out of it was produced from the dark, and Allie, not quite sure about her new name, put all her attention towards subduing the writhing monster that was obviously attacking Clark's head. More talking above her, but she didn't bother to listen. She kept thinking she had it, but then it would tug itself away in its obvious struggles to suck Clark's brain out through his ear.

Just as fast as it had come, it was gone, and she scampered over to the edge to peer mournfully at the distant mahogany pinnacle where it now rested.

"She says she'd already set a place for you and was about to send out the cavalry for us both. I think she thinks you're malnourished or something."

"Well, that's a first. How's this, somewhat casual enough for dinner at the Kent farm?"

"Wow, Lex, jeans. Worn jeans. Mmmm, with bare feet. Damn, are you *trying* to make us late? Put some shoes on, or I'm going to have to fuck you where you stand."

More laughter from the darkness, and Lex joined them on the bed, putting his own foot-coverings on quickly. He lounged back with a near-feline grace and arrogance she could only admire, and then blew the whole image by reaching out to tickler her belly.

"And how's my little voyeur? Ready to find out what it's like in a Ferrari?"

"Wow, you're going to trust her in your Ferrari, Lex? What if she gets carsick?"

"Then you'll be cleaning it up, won't you?"

Lex lifted her up and placed her in one of Clark's big, warm hands. The soap-scent was fading from them, and the musky purple play-scent was rising in waves off his crotch. She wondered if they were going to wrestle again, but instead they just stood up and had more mouth contact. She never would understand humans and their mouths, but she didn't mind being nestled between their warm bodies.

They went outside and then got into a machine that smelled of plastic and leather, and Lex's scent went from purple to violet, a little bit of the frosty grey creeping in at the edges. Lex did something with some fascinatingly shiny, dangly metal that Clark wouldn't let her touch, and the resultant loud noise confused her and made her feel sick. She wailed and wailed until the sensation stopped, and when they got out of the machine, they were back at the home-place.

This was much better than the Lex-place and its barren artificial stillness, although she secretly thought the dim room with the soft plateau would be her favorite from now on. They went inside to the food-room, where her box had been put on the floor and the hard raised surface was covered with shiny toys and wonderful-smelling food.

"Hey, Mom, Dad. Lex and I decided to name her Allie, what do you think?"

A snort from the unfamiliar man she itched to go sniff, and laughter and head-scratching from the green-woman whose crisp scent was reminding her now of apples. She was set down, not on the table full of lovely things, but on the floor near her box. She wanted to be indignant, but instead she discovered she needed to go out and be undignified anyway. She went and pushed her way out the badly latched door and found some loose earth, then came back and meowed until the new man let her in.

He picked her up, examining her much as the apple-woman had, and she took this opportunity to smell him. His scent was musty and tangy, like brown earth with a deep orange-red stubbornness that was almost hostility and seemed to increase when he walked past Lex. She suddenly didn't like him as much, and squirmed to be let down onto the shining surface below. All of the shiny objects now had food on them, and begged to be licked and toyed with.

She liked him even less when he put her down on the floor.

"Well, she seems healthy enough. You're getting her fixed as soon as she's old enough, right?"

"Right, Dad. She's cute, but one of her is enough."

She ignored the rest of their conversation as she walked over to Clark's leg and latched on, trying to climb as she'd seen some of the older cats doing during her time in the barn. Her claws weren't quite strong enough yet, so instead she sat back on her haunches and mewled at Clark, who adamantly refused. Then she went over to Lex, hoping that this one with his changeable moods would relent and bring her up or at least feed her.

His scent took on a dusky purple surreptitiousness, and a few bites of something were flung under the table. She chased them down and feasted magnificently, until Lex's scent changed again to a bright guilty lavender, and the sounds above erupted into laughter.

"Sorry, Mrs. Kent, but how could I resist such a pretty face?"

She found herself lifted up, and made mournful eyes at the woman on cue. From behind her, she heard the man she was really starting to loathe despite him being an opener of doors.

"Pretty face or not, we don't feed animals human food in this house, Lex, so she'll just have to suffer. Clark can go to the store and buy her some cat food when dinner's over."

She was turned to face Lex's round, white head, as he said, "Sorry, girl, guess you're doomed to watch."

She could hear Clark spluttering as she was lowered gently to the ground, and she went off to her old box, pausing to lick her shoulder disdainfully at the brown-orange man as she passed. She cleaned herself thoroughly while the humans ate, managing to ignore them completely by concentrating first on that task, then on catching and eating the two fat spiders hiding under the edge of the counter.

Eventually she was hunted down and scooped up, and taken back to the sick-feeling machine for another short but disorienting time. They got out and went into a bright place, all golden distance and bitter-warm smells. She perked up and peered around interestedly as she was deposited on top of one of the hard surfaces, this one covered in papers and containers of some interesting-smelling liquid. She trotted over to one of them and stuck her nose in, first sniffing deeply, then braving a paw.

Hot! It was hot, and she hissed and sat back, licking the sore paw. Weird humans! A hand came out to pet her, one that brought with it a waft of electric blue scent, at first all sparkle but with hidden depths like a pond. She bit the hand out of pique, and ran to the comfort of Clark's solid blue skies.

Another hand was put in front of her nose for her to sniff, the soft brown skin on this one smelling smooth and bright and creamy-yellow laid over an ugly, moldy green that made her want to sneeze. Instead she rubbed her face against the hand, hoping her own scent would mask the unpleasant one. He reacted by baring his teeth in that gesture she was learning meant happiness, and giving her a thorough and much-appreciated head scratch.

She flopped down in front of him, purring contentedly and ignoring the swirling conversation going on over her head. At least she tried, until yet another human came up and shrieked in a way she wasn't sure was delight or horror. The shriek was accompanied by a waft of plastic flowers and pink deception, the expression showing teeth like pleasure but the smell oozing green-yellow jealousy like a slime mold.

The kitten sneezed once, twice, and when the now-giggling girl reached out a hand as if to pollute her wonderfully clean fur with that awful stench, she hissed and spat and sunk one set of needle-sharp claws into the back of it. The screech this time was far more lifelike, and the bright coppery scent of fresh blood cleansed away some of the overpowering odor she was exuding.

This was followed by a great deal of bustling and apology, and her being scooped back into the arms of her second-favorite human and carried to his car. She purred contentedly, smelling the bright blue-violet amusement blossoming out of the frosty grey that had descended over him when they'd sat down. And they even brought cups of the lovely warm-smelling liquid she thought was called 'coffee' with them, so the car was redolent with enough delicious scents to clear the last lingering traces of those other people right out of her sinuses.

"Well, Clark, it seems that our little Tantalus is a good judge of character."


"What? If I'd thought I could get away with it, I'd have done that to her myself ages ago."

She curled into the warmth of his lap, smelling the same bright purple muskiness there that had filled the soft dark place where she'd been the happiest so far. She found that if she concentrated, the smell and the sound of Lex's blood moving through his body was enough to distract her from the sick feeling of the machine. She closed her eyes and relaxed, waiting until the magic was done and they got out again.

There was another brief stop where she was tucked into Clark's shirt and taken into a large, bright place full of strange and interesting smells. People, foods, chemicals and plants, plastic and metal and paper all mingled together. She stuck her head out and just sniffed the air to her heart's content, oblivious even to the cooing of the cashier as they left.

It was with some regret she settled down into Clark's lap in the sick machine again, but she had had enough new sensation for one day. She curled up and took as much of a nap as the trip would allow, finding that the more she relaxed, the better she felt. Eyes closed seemed to help a lot, too, plus the warm, electric musk that rose from Clark's lap beneath her.

She barely stirred as she was taken, not back into the food-room, but out to the barn. They climbed the mountainous stairs up to the Clark-place, and she felt the desire to continue napping war with her desire to explore this previously off-limits area. When Clark and Lex curled up on the couch with her nestled between them to do more of that mouth-thing they both seemed to enjoy, she decided that this was their way of suggesting she nap.

When she woke up, the play-smell was heavy in her nose, despite the fact that she'd been shifted down Clark's lap towards his knees. She yawned and stretched, then turned around to make herself comfortable again, finally spotting what had woken her up. Lex had pulled some part of Clark out of his pants and was stroking it, heat and musk rolling off them both in purple-bright waves.

Lex put his mouth on the part of Clark that was sticking out, and Clark moaned like a dying thing. She stared, fascinated, as Lex made the organ disappear into his mouth, then emerge all slick and spit-shiny, only to do it again. And again. And enough more times that she almost grew bored enough with it to fall back to sleep, and in fact had her eyes only open tiny slits when Clark stiffened above her.

Again, that bright ocean smell, like salty and clean and alive. She sneezed once, which managed to startle both the boys into cheerful laughter. Not really understanding the joke, she chose to pretend apathy, yawning wide and showing all of her teeth. Lex tucked Clark's parts back into his clothing, and they proceeded to do the mouth-thing for long enough that she was lulled back into slumber.

This time it was the smell of food that brought her back to consciousness, and she found that she'd been transported back to the comfort room during her nap. The green woman, whom Clark called Mom but Lex called Martha, had gone all muted and sleepy, her scent a soft jade-green with strong veins of cinnamon. A plate of wet, delicious food was put by her bed on the floor, along with a dish of the water she hadn't realized she was craving.

She attacked the food while the humans talked, with such vigor that she almost missed it when Lex left. She scampered over to the screen door where he and Clark were talking, and meowed piteously. She didn't want him to go! They had to go back to the dim play-room so she could explore, or back out to the top part of the barn where her kitten body couldn't yet climb.

"I think she wants out, Clark."

"I think she doesn't want you to leave. I know I don't."

She yowled louder, agreeing with Clark. Lex opened the door, reaching down to scoop her up into his arms. His scent had gone all deep blue and sad, and she knew he didn't want to leave any more than she wanted him to. Nimble fingers stroked her, distracting her from their conversation until she found herself handed over to the sky-scented flannel warmth of Clark's arms. He carried her inside, snuggled deep under his shirt and into the crook of his arm.

"I'm going to bed, Mom! G'night, Dad!"

"Leave that kitten downstairs, Clark. You don't want to find out what will happen if she's left without her litterbox all night."

"But Dad!"

"No buts, young man. Do as your father says."

She was drawn, protesting, out of Clark's shirt. He brought her up to his face and whispered, "You just wait. I'll be down later to get you, so make sure you go before I get back, ok?"

She licked his nose to show her assent. He giggled and deposited her in her old box on the floor. She began cleaning fur that was no doubt filthy from being near all the bad-smelling people. He seemed to understand, and disappeared up another flight of unclimbable stairs. She waited patiently, using the box of odd-smelling sand they'd left for her, hunting the myriad insect life in the house, and playing with Mom/Martha's dangling robe tie.

Soon, the two older people's smells had grown sour with fatigue, and they went upstairs, turning off the lights and making the downstairs into a mysterious jungle. The kitten explored to her heart's content, hunting for nonexistent mice in the living room keeping her busy until she heard the soft tread of Clark's bare feet coming down the stairs. She ran up to him, meowing softly until he spotted her in the dark.

"Ok, come on, Tantalus. If you promise to be good, you can come sleep with me!"

She bathed his hand, licking the salt and other mysterious flavors off of his smooth skin. He just bared his teeth at her for a moment before padding back upstairs. Then went into a small room that was permeated through and through with his smell, the electric undertone coming out through saturation to the point where she almost felt enervated. She was glad when they were both nestled under the covers on the soft surface similar to the play-place.

She curled up, warm and purring contentment, surrounded by the warm scent of sleepy Clark. There were other, older scents here, the play-scents, but only his. Lex had never been where she was now, she thought, but maybe that would change. If only they could understand her, she could explain to them how important it was for her to have both her pets with her.

Well, there was only so much you could expect from humans, she thought, as she drifted off to sleep the night away in Clark's arms. Maybe tomorrow she could figure out a way. After all, she was very young. She had a whole lifetime with Lex and Clark ahead of her.

Title: Smut & Cuddles
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: R
Warnings: Slash, underage, gratuitous fluff
Summary: A new arrival gives her opinion on the denizens of Smallville.
Acknowledgements: Directly inspired by a story I read once whose details escape me now, but left me with the image of a hound dog tracking electric blue scents in the woodlands.

All of the works contained herein are labours of love, unauthorized by those who hold the rights to such things, and no profit is made from them. No harm is meant, and hopefully no offense given.