Educational Film
headers and warnings

"Remember, Clark, it's for the good of the community!" said Lex, leaning back in his chair. The halo of red and purple from the stained glass window behind his desk gave him a devilish air that belied the innocuous tone.

Clark didn't look convinced. "But why does it have to be me, Lex? I mean, you're the public figure, not me," he retorted.

"It's for your campus GLBT group," Lex replied, putting his hands behind his head. "You're the one that asked me to do this. Remember?"

Clark slumped back, defeated, and mumbled, "Oh, right."

Lex sat forward, laying his hands flat on the desk, and said comfortingly, "I'm sure that your friends didn't realize we weren't sleeping together when they asked you to get me for this project. If it helps, I promise, I'll make it quick and clinical."

Clark looked even more stricken at that. He stammered out something unintelligible, and then fled as Lex called after him, "Report to makeup in an hour!"

~ * ~ Two Hours Later ~ * ~

"Lex!" Clark hissed, peeking out from behind the privacy screen in the corner. Lex looked up from his conversation with the director; he was sitting there calmly, completely collected despite being naked under his lavender silk robe. Even his makeup looked smooth and perfect. "Lex!!"

"What is it, Clark?" he asked, waving the director away and standing up. He walked over to where Clark was huddled, nude and shivering, behind the thin barrier between him and a room full of bustling filmmakers.

"Five minutes!" called out Liz, the director's assistant, and Clark flinched.

"Lex, I really don't think I can do this!" Clark whispered. "And why do I have to be the bottom, anyway?" he added, hand straying around to his ass. "That woman did horrible things! She gave me an enema, Lex!"

Lex suppressed a smirk and put on his best concerned-friend face. "We discussed this, Clark. You said you didn't feel comfortable taking the dominant role on camera, right?" Lex patted Clark's shoulder and added, "I'm sorry I forgot to warn you about the enema, though."

Clark looked dubious, and said, "It was huge, Lex! She shoved this big, cold silver thing inside of me, and then..." His voice was horrified as he hissed, "It was awful! I'm going to be traumatized for life!"

Lex ran a hand over his head and replied, "Everything will be fine, Clark. If you'd have just let us do the full rehearsal last night, you wouldn't be nearly so nervous."

Clark shook his head, cheeks flushing bright pink. "No, Lex, I won't make you do this more than once."

"You say that like it's a chore, Clark!" said Lex, surprise in his voice. "There's certainly nothing onerous or distasteful about the prospect of being with you."

Clark's expression lost a little of its fear and instead grew shy, hopeful. "You... you mean that?"

"Of course, Clark. I never would have agreed to this with anyone but you, that's for sure," Lex said. His eyes were tender and affectionate as he reached out to Clark once more.

Clark's face split in a huge grin, and he reached up to embrace Lex. His arm swung wide, and he smacked it into the screen shielding them from the eyes of the crew. The screen fell with a huge crash, and Clark half-turned to meet the stunned gazes of everyone in the small studio. His aborted movement rammed a shoulder into Lex's sternum, and Lex fell on his ass in front of everyone, breath rushing out with a great "Oof!"

Clark turned, eyes full of consternation. "Ohmygod, Lex! I'm sorry, so sorry," Clark babbled, reaching out to help Lex up. He grabbed Lex's arm and pulled, hard enough to bring Lex face first up into his chest, with another muffled "Oof!"

Wrapping his arms around his friend, Clark pressed Lex's body to his own taller frame, leaving Lex's legs dangling limply below. A few moments of undignified struggling got Lex's feet under him, and a bit of judicious poking loosened the hold enough for him to drag in a few deep breaths of air. "Clark," he said softly, voice dangerously even. "Let me go. Now."

Clark let him go suddenly enough that he staggered back for a moment before regaining his balance. He straightened his spine and his robe and strode back over to his chair without a backwards glance. The director, face carefully composed, rushed over to continue their interrupted talk. The rest of the crew developed a sudden epidemic of chest colds, and busied themselves amidst much coughing.

Clark stood naked and stunned for several minutes before he retrieved his blue robe from the wreckage of the screen and dusted it off before joining Lex and the director, Franz. After a brief discussion of the few problems from last night's dress rehearsal, everyone recovered from their brief illnesses and the assistant yelled, "Places! One minute to shooting!"

"Let's see if we can't do this in one take," said Franz, eyeing the set dolefully. He was a documentary filmmaker, and had expressed to Lex yesterday his discomfort with the idea of what amounted to gay porn. Even if it was for education.

Lex and Clark got up and took their places on the set. They both got to start out in their robes, but Clark was going to lose his pretty quickly once the demonstration got underway. Lex only had to drop his for the later portions of the film, and Clark was already blushing through his makeup at the mental images.

"It's for a good cause. Right," he mumbled as he hopped up onto the high black bed/padded table they'd chosen for the demo. He didn't even want to know why Lex had had it in his basement. The whole film was being shot in the castle ballroom, theoretically for privacy. The film crew had been less than thrilled about having to cart all their equipment out to Smallville, but Lex had no doubt made it worth their while.

"It'll be ok," said Lex, running a hand down Clark's back in a comforting gesture.

"Five seconds!" yelled Liz, the newest blight in Clark's life. He and Lex both struck the casual-yet-businesslike poses they'd chosen for the start, and waited for the director's cry of, "Action!"

Which was delayed inexplicably when the guy from camera two came and whispered in Franz's ear. After a short but hurried discussion, the prop master -- since wardrobe consisted of just the two robes, he'd gotten both jobs -- came up and started fiddling with Clark's lap. Todd was one of the members of Clark's LGBT group, and his hands were getting quite personal in their attentions.

Clark slid his hands protectively under Todd's and said, "Um, Todd? That's my..."

"I know what it is, and it's showing in camera two well before its cue, so lift up and let me get it hidden," he replied, voice brisk and businesslike.

"If you keep doing that, no amount of draping is going hide it, if you know what I mean," replied Clark, blushing.

"Oh?" said Todd, looking down. Clark moved his shielding hands to reveal the start of a rather impressive erection, and Todd said, "Oh!"

Clark blushed deeper. He might be 21 now, and vice president of his college's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender group, but he'd never been with, well, anyone. He'd been too busy, or too shy, or too worried about giving away his secrets. Or quite possibly too hung up on the one person he'd been sure until about 10 minutes ago would be the last guy on Earth interested in that kind of relationship with him.

Which is how he'd gotten into this situation in the first place, his own desire for even one time with Lex overriding his own good sense. He'd let the group cajole him into asking Lex to lend his name and money to the film, figuring even as he asked that Lex would never agree. And when he had, on the grounds that Clark -- and not Todd, who'd originally volunteered -- be his co-star, well... Clark had wavered between assuming that Lex just wanted his best friend to share the embarrassment and wildly hoping Lex returned his feelings.

All of which was not helping the draping problem. "Maybe if I thought of something really unpleasant?" suggested Clark, voice a little desperate.

"Lift your butt up, you're sitting on most of the robe," said Todd, still trying futilely to rearrange the thin silk to cover Clark's now-erect cock. Clark complied, trying desperately to think of something unpleasant while Todd's fingers ghosted over his cock, balls and thighs.

Lex leaned in to whisper in his ear. The shivers it sent down his spine almost eclipsed the message, "Think if it was Lionel here next to you."

Suddenly, Todd had a much smaller problem on his hands. He finished his task with a sigh of relief and hurried off the set. "Action!" yelled the director.

The image of Lionel sitting there, waiting to deflower Clark for educational purposes was not only effective, it was distracting. Lex had to nudge him twice before he stammered his way through his lines, a fake smile plastered to his face as he said, "H-hi! I'm Clark Kent, Vice President of the Metropolis University Chapter of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Support Group. This is my good friend L-lex Luthor, and he's graciously volunteered to help me with a little d-demonstration."

Lex picked up the thread smoothly and rested casually against the edge of the platform. With a professional smile on his face, he said, "There's been a lot of confusion about safe sex in the last few years, with more and more of the available educational materials becoming couched in scientific jargon or vague, inoffensive terms. Clark and I are here to remedy that; we're going to demonstrate to you just what constitutes safe and unsafe sex between men."

"First," said Lex, turning to Clark, who jumped a little under the scrutiny, "Clark will demonstrate the ultimate in safe sex. Clark?"

Oh god, that was his cue. Clark tried to banish the earlier image, tried to think of something good and sexy as he said his lines, "Masturbation is the only truly safe sex you can have. Any time you and your bodily fluids are in the same bed as another person, there's a chance of contamination." Clark's hands stayed stubbornly clenched around the side of the platform, refusing to lift up and undo his robe on cue.

Lex, sensing something was wrong, moved on to his part of the talk, walking to the tray of supplies and taking the cameras off Clark for a moment. "The best way I've found to encourage yourself to always practice safer sex with a partner is to practice it with yourself. If you use a condom even when you masturbate, you will not only associate it with your sexual thoughts and feelings, clean-up will be a snap."

While Lex was walking away, Todd snuck back onto the set and was prying Clark's hands off the table. He opened and re-draped Clark's robe for maximum effect, then put Clark's right hand around his cock. Those few touches were enough to break Clark out of his stunned state and get his body interested in the proceedings again. Clark smiled gratefully and began to slowly stroke himself to full hardness.

When Lex turned back, his eyes were riveted to the view. Clark was posed on the table leaning back on one hand, legs spread, cock jutting out from one closed fist. Lex walked towards him, mesmerized enough that he bumped, hard, into the edge of the table. The table, of course, swayed alarmingly. Lex dropped the things he was holding and grabbed onto the edge of the table, which teetered on obviously unsteady legs.

"I thought I told you to get someone to brace that damned thing!" hissed Franz, his face going beet red.

His assistant was bearing the brunt of his anger, and Clark got no small measure of comfort out of seeing her discomfited. She'd been the bane of his existence all day, yelling out the countdown and reminding the makeup girl to give him his enema. Not to mention supervising the application of his makeup -- and not the stuff on his face, either. Clark rode out the waves, hand still moving gently, trying desperately to keep himself, and the table, upright. Between them, he and Lex managed to get the table steadied.

"Zoom in on Clark and brace that damned table!" yelled the director, and Todd crawled around on the floor, retrieving his props. He arranged them on the table while two of the stagehands found the overlooked locking mechanism on the legs and stabilized it. Clark was getting into his demonstration, oblivious to the activity at his feet as he pumped frantically, mind filled with magical images of his very near future with Lex.

"Clark!" said Lex, snapping him out of his reverie. "Here's the things you'll need to keep things clean." There was a hand towel on the table, as well as a single condom and a small squeeze bottle of lube. Lex turned back to the camera and said, "If he were going to penetrate himself with his fingers, he might want to wear gloves, but as long as he washes his hands with antibacterial soap afterwards, it's not necessary."

Clark sat forward and grabbed the condom. He gripped the edges of the foil packet carefully, and tried to tear off the corner, saying, "Condoms are fairly easy to put on, as long as you pay attention to a few simple rules."

The foil was being difficult. Clark applied a little more force, adding, "Never use a sharp object to open a condom packet. You might tear the condom as well as the packet, and that would make it useless!"

The packet finally gave and, like a bag of chips, spilled its contents forward and out. The rolled condom went flying, right into the director's lap. Clark bit his lip to keep from laughing, and Lex said smoothly, "You also have to be careful how you open them. A little strength goes a long way, after all."

Todd ran in under the camera's vision and pressed a new, unwrapped condom into Clark's searching hand. Clark picked up the thread of his lines easily, swallowing his laughter as he held up the little rubber O. "The first thing to remember is that they only roll one way. Check to see which way the condom goes," he said, carefully demonstrating it by unrolling it one turn. "If it's got a reservoir, pinch it shut to keep air out, then place the condom over the head of your penis."

Clark pinched the head of the condom, forcing the air out of the little tip. Unfortunately, the air went out the wrong end and the condom gave way with a startling "Pop!" Everyone in the room jumped, but Todd came to the rescue, pressing another one into Clark's other hand. "Be careful to push the air out the right way!" said Clark, pretending his faux pas had been for demonstration purposes.

He held up the third condom, this one a nice, bright blue, and got it carefully positioned over the head of his now-flagging erection. "Make sure the penis is fully hard before you roll the condom down," he said, stroking himself a few times to get the blood going again. "Then, unroll gently and carefully, making sure it goes all the way to the base."

"At this point," said Lex, on cue and ready to go, bottle of lube in hand. "A little bit of lube will help keep your pleasure going and your condom intact." He expertly flipped up the top and squeezed the tip into Clark's palm.

Nothing came out. He smiled and shook the bottle a few times, then squeezed harder. "There are many brands of lubricant available," he said, his other hand gesturing wildly for a new bottle. "Which one you use is largely a matter of preference. The one thing to remember is that your lube must be water or silicone based in order to be condom safe, and you do not want nonoxynol-9 in any lube you're going to use for anal penetration."

Todd finally produced a second bottle and Lex held it up. "Nonoxynol-9 is a viricide and spermicide, but it can also irritate the delicate tissues inside your rectum and actually leave you more open to infection," said Lex, switching bottles as though nothing was wrong. A good, hard squeeze on the new one filled Clark's hand with more than enough of the clear gel, and Clark immediately put hand to cock.

He yelped when the cold, which hadn't quite registered on his hand, made itself known to his poor, abused cock. Lex's eyes went wide and he added, "It also helps if you warm the lube in your hand for a minute before applying it to more tender areas of the body." Clark glared at him before resuming his stroking, the temperature quickly warming through body heat and friction.

They'd determined that Clark wasn't really going to finish like this, in case he couldn't get it back up for their later demo, so Lex plowed on. "Now, I'm sure you all know how the rest of this goes, so we'll move on to mutual masturbation and oral sex."

Lex leaned in, his left hand joining Clark's right on his blue-clad erection. Lex's breath hitched as his hand closed around Clark's cock for the first time, and Clark's practically stopped altogether. Lex gave him an almost comforting squeeze as he continued, "The same principles apply with a partner. Use a condom, use some water-based lube, and use your good judgment."

Clark threw his head back and closed his eyes. Lex's touch was like fire, and it was all he could do to not fill the condom up right now. A harsh voice got his attention as the director said, "Kiss each other or something! It looks too much like a cooking show!"

Lex leaned in awkwardly, going for Clark's throat. Clark brought his head back up with a snap, intending to find Lex's lips, and smacked his chin right into Lex's nose. "Fuck!" said Lex, quietly but emphatically. He pulled his hand away from Clark's cock to rub at the pain, only to end up with a snoot full of lube. He was sitting on the towel and couldn't get it out from under himself in time to catch the wet sneeze that sprayed lube everywhere.

A large towel landed on Clark's chest with a soft "fwump," and they both laughed, Clark's with an edge of hysteria, as they cleaned up. "We'll edit that out in post," said the director, "Just keep it going!"

They leaned in, this time much more cautiously, and shared a hot, deep kiss. Lex's hand trailed down Clark's chest to find his cock once more, and they worked him together towards completion. Clark jerked when something cold ran over his foot and they both looked down to see Todd running ice up Clark's leg. "No coming, remember!" yelled Franz, face purple with annoyance and embarrassment.

They came up for air, gasping, and Lex's cock peeked up through the gap in his now-disheveled robe. Todd handed Clark a red, unlubricated condom to jog his memory, and Clark cleared his throat before delivering his next line, "You should use condoms for oral sex as well. To help things go more smoothly, you can even help your partner by putting the condom on for him."

Lex undid his robe, letting the silk fall open to reveal his completely hairless body. Clark's breath caught at this first sight of his best friend naked, and he reached a trembling hand out to softly caress Lex's chest. Lex added, "You can also both wear condoms and have outercourse, where you rub your penises together, or one partner thrusts between the clenched thighs of the other."

Clark's cock twitched at the image, and he quickly bent to his task. He pinched, placed and rolled with infinite care, making sure the camera could film the entire process while Lex spoke. "For oral sex, you'll want to use an unlubricated condom. Your spit should be all the slick you'll need, and most lube has a faint unpleasant taste. You can even buy condoms that are fruit or mint flavored."

That was Clark's cue. He swiped his tongue over the red condom and said, "Cherry!" with a big smile. In reality, it tasted like licking cheap kool-aid off old tires, but he wasn't about to let that spoil his first chance to suck Lex. Or anyone, for that matter. Clark dipped his head down, taking the head of Lex's cock in his mouth and swirling his tongue around like he'd read in all the stories on the internet.

"Remember," said Lex, continuing the lecture above him with barely a hitch in his voice, "Never use teeth, especially when you're practicing safer sex."

Clark took those words to heart, sliding his mouth down Lex's cock, breathing out and trying to swallow it down. And promptly gagged. Lex's hand on his neck gentled him, and he pulled back, swallowed, and tried again. They made it look so easy in porn, he was sure he could get all of Lex down. He did a few experimental bobs of his head, each one going a little deeper until the head smacked into the back of his throat. He gagged again, this time having to pull completely away to avoid throwing up.

Maybe he was going about this wrong. Clark slid off the table to kneel in front of Lex. Lex spread his legs to accommodate Clark, giving everyone a nice view of his smooth balls. Clark was just tall enough that he thought he could, if he bent it down with his hand, still get Lex's cock in his mouth. He reached up and grabbed the tip, pulling it sharply downward towards his open lips.

"Hey!" whispered Lex urgently, scooting his hips -- and his cock -- back out of Clark's reach. "You got the wrong end of the stick there, Clark, it doesn't bend that way!"

Clark felt his cheeks flame painfully hot. He slid his hands gently up Lex's thighs, trying to remember what the movies had shown. He kissed his way up Lex's inner thigh in apology, shifting awkwardly until he was squatting and could get his head up between Lex's legs. He nuzzled at Lex's balls, surprised by the velvety softness of the skin, and got his first taste of Lex's flesh. It was salty, mostly, a little sweet and kind of musky, as though the smell of Lex's private places lay thick on Clark's tongue.

Lex moaned softly above him and Clark swiped his tongue up, face wrinkling when the earthy taste gave way to the chemical condom flavoring. He took the head in his mouth, and wrapped his hand around the base, then slowly slid down until his lips met his fist. This time, it stopped just short of gagging him, and he knew he'd figured out the trick. He sucked, head moving rhythmically up and down, listening to Lex making soft sounds above him until he was once again interrupted by Todd.

Clark was already tired of the ice on the foot thing, but he had to admit it was an effective way to get his attention. He stood up, cock bobbing blue in front of him as he turned to deliver his next line. "Of course, the gay sex with the highest risk factor is anal sex."

Lex caught his breath and hopped down from the table to stand next to Clark. "The tissues inside the rectum are delicate and prone to tearing, as is the skin of the penis to a lesser degree. Even a microscopic tear can allow infection, from something as simple as the bacteria already present in your partner's digestive system, to something as deadly as AIDS."

While Lex talked, Clark had shed his robe and moved so he was bent over, ass facing the cameras, legs spread. He was suddenly very glad of the makeup lady's manhandling, the enema, the shaving -- everything she'd done to make the most private part of his body as photogenic as possible. He looked back over his shoulder, leaning on his elbows, and prepared to deliver the next line. Lex turned, and seemed almost startled to find Clark in his position on cue.

"It is as much the bottom's responsibility as the top's to make sure that safe sex is practiced. If you're with someone who wants to do you bareback, it's up to you to respect yourself and your health enough to say no. Make sure that one of you, in this case the top, takes the time to prepare you. If you don't do enough stretching or use enough lube, it might feel more intense, but it also greatly increases the risk of tissue damage, or worse, the condom breaking," Clark lectured.

He turned back to facing the wall just as Lex rolled the prop table over to its new mark. There were several bottles of lube, all opened and tested by Todd during the blowjob, as well as extra condoms, gloves, towels and even wet naps. "With safe sex, there's one rule a lot of you probably remember from Boy Scouts: Be Prepared." Lex picked up one of the gloves and slipped it on expertly, only to find it had been sized for Clark's huge hands.

Todd was gesturing frantically off-camera, waving a blue glove. Lex looked down and saw two sets of gloves, green like the one he was wearing, and blue. "You can even have gloves on hand to fit a partner with larger or smaller hands," he said, a tolerant smile on his face as he pulled off the green glove and grabbed a blue one.

"Gloves aren't absolutely necessary, but using one for prep and then disposing of it reduces the risk of casual contamination by touch. Remember to use plenty of nonoxynol-9-free, water or silicone based lubricant," said Lex, struggling to get his hand into the tight, powder blue latex. It seemed these were several sizes smaller than the green ones; someone was under the impression he had delicate, girly hands, which was just not the case.

He finally got the thing properly fitted on his hand, and squirted a healthy amount of lube onto his first two fingers. "It's polite to warm it up before application. As we demonstrated earlier, cold lube on delicate body parts can be a very unpleasant surprise."

Despite the temperature, Clark still twitched a little when Lex's fingers touched him. He'd never had anyone but himself touch there before; he'd never even had a doctor perform a prostate exam. Lex's fingers were warm and solid, rubbing erotic little circles around his opening. "It's best if you go slowly at the beginning, especially if your partner is inexperienced. A little patience now can allow for better sex later," said Lex, dipping just a fingertip in and out of Clark's hole.

Lex had to force himself to go slowly, to remember the crew around them when all he wanted was to fall upon Clark like a raving beast and fuck him into the floor. "If you go too fast and your partner isn't relaxed enough, you can cause pain and even tearing. If you go slowly, it not only draws out the experience and heightens the tension, it allows them to be relaxed enough for rougher movement later," he continued, now sliding his finger slowly in and out up to the first knuckle.

He reached over and grabbed a bottle without looking, adding, "Never be afraid to add more lube if you think things are getting a little too rough."

Clark moaned a little, leaning heavily on the table. Lex took a cautious glance at the label before squirting a little of the cold lube over his busy fingers, and the shocking contrast made Clark jump. Clark's sudden movement jarred loose the hastily-latched locks, and the table began to tilt. Lex, his concentration solely on remembering his lines and fingering his best friend, failed to notice. Instead, he thrust his finger in all the way, hoping to elicit a groan out of Clark.

Clark cried out, and leaned hard into the table. The set of legs farthest from Lex buckled, and the entire tableau tilted to the left. Lex's finger was wrenched painfully out of Clark's ass as they fell. The table slid along the floor, crashing into the prop cart, and Lex stepped back, swearing, right into Todd. Clark, the prop cart and the table hit the floor with a resounding crash.

"Cut!" yelled the director. "Jesus fucking-- I said cut, damn you!"

Franz sat heavily back in his chair, head in his hands. Lex bent his finger experimentally, relieved to find nothing broken or sprained, just a little sore. Clark rolled over and began to giggle hysterically, naked and partially prepared on the remains of the table. Todd sat down right where he was and rubbed at the foot Lex had stepped on, and Liz broke down crying.

"Obviously," said Franz, shaking his head, his voice tired, "obviously, today is just not the right day for this. I suggest the two of you rehearse a little better, while we find a way to keep all the props straight and in good working order. We'll reconvene at the same time tomorrow to re-shoot the whole damned thing."

"You heard him, get to it!" yelled the assistant director. She walked up to Lex and Clark and said, "You two, too. Give me the robe, Lex, and I'll have it cleaned. Clark, you're sitting on yours. Come on!"

Lex smirked at her, his whole demeanor radiating sarcasm as he said, "I believe... Liz isn't it? I believe, Liz, that we would be better served wearing our robes out of here than walking naked around a drafty old castle. The maid will see that they're laundered for tomorrow." He held out a hand, helping Clark up from this latest humiliation and grabbing the sad, crumpled blue robe off the floor.

"Come on, Clark. We've already got the color-coded condoms on, we might as well finish... rehearsing... in privacy," he said, showing a surprising amount of composure in the face of the myriad of indignities the day had brought.

Clark, a wide smile on his face, took the robe and belted it over his blue-coated cock with as much aplomb as he could muster. Which wasn't a whole lot, considering it had started to droop, the condom hanging off the end like a deflated balloon. "Yes, Lex. Let's... rehearse."

They walked off, not quite arm in arm, and Clark decided that he'd never, ever be able to hear the word 'rehearse' again without getting hard. As it was, his cock was filling the blue balloon right back up again. He also was never going to see the colors blue and red in quite the same way. "Uh, Lex?" he asked, just as they reached Lex's bedroom door.

"Yes, Clark?" said Lex, his fingers shaking only a little where they touched the doorknob.

"You do have lube and stuff in there, right?"

Title: Educational Film
Author: Amy
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash; Read, Drink, Read (keyboards don't love coffee)
Summary: Clark convinces Lex to help him make and educational film. Things go wrong.
Acknowledgements: For Signe's Clex Hexed Sex challenge. My phrase? " the wrong end of the stick." Thanks to Liz for inspiration and beta, and to Ximeria and Jana for the audience.

All of the works contained herein are labours of love, unauthorized by those who hold the rights to such things, and no profit is made from them. No harm is meant, and hopefully no offense given.